Happy Father's Day pops...

As I am sitting in this dark room, my rented room in this rented house, I am spending time to write this entry for my pops. Yeah, my pops. The greatest man in my life. Like seriously, the greatest man in my life.

How are you pops? I hope you’re okay there. In our house, with the two monkeys that still roams there. Miss the two dudes. haha.

I was attending Reading for Aesthetics class this week. It was some introduction about literature is and what not. Puan Ainon was her name if I am not mistaken. Whatever there, she was making us read a poem by Robert Hayden which titled Those Winter Sundays. Here goes;

Sundays too my father got up early
and put his clothes on in the blueblack cold,
then with cracked hands that ached
from labor in the weekday weather made
banked fires blaze. No one ever thanked him.

I’d wake and hear the cold splintering, breaking.
When the rooms were warm, he’d call,
and slowly I would rise and dress,
fearing the chronic angers of that house,

Speaking indifferently to him,
who had driven out the cold
and polished my good shoes as well.
What did I know, what did I know
of love’s austere and lonely offices?
(poetryfoundation.org)

This poem struck me hard. Real hard. I was reading this poem in the class for several times. I know it was all about a father’s love and that’s it. I am lost for words in trying to explain it further. A lengthy explanation by Puan Ainon finally reveals through what the poem really means. It was a father’s love towards his kids but he didn’t show it openly and the poet was reminiscing it when he had grown up and all. It was shown by the actions that the father was doing for his kids. And that was the moment that really made my heart went *dup dap dup dap*

My head went straight to pops at home. The poem brought me straight to the times when momma went for her studies in 2003. I think? I don’t quite remember. Pops was taking care of us until 2006. That was the year when momma graduated.

Pops, I don’t know what to say to you, honestly. I am lost for words. I always do. I know that during those times when momma was not by your side you were so very much challenged in your role a parent. To top it off, Arig’s presence with his congekness really made you tested. It was 2003 and I was only 11. What do I know? All I know was what the breakfast gonna be in the morning. And yet, the breakfast will always be on the table despite Arig’s tantrum the night before. Us your kids would just divulge the breakfast without even thinking what you have been through the whole night. And there you would send us to school after sending Arig to mayang’s.
After all is done, the dinner would be a guaranteed to be served on the table even though you were freakin’ tired after a day’s work. And then you will always have to take care of little Arig. We your kids would just watch television and do nothing to ease you up. All we know, why were you always sleeping much early than all of us would. That is after you managed to settle Arig down. Which is HARD WORK. We knew what we’re supposed to do. Slow the television down and went to bad not long after that. Which I don’t remember doing often. This goes on and on until 2006 though it gradually got easier by the year.

One thing I always wanted to hear is your words of wisdom, pops. Seriously. I love hearing them. One that I still remembered till now is this;

‘find a girl not on her looks, but deep inside. Don’t find girls that loves to shop, love to get over dressed up or too sociable (something like that) or else she’s gotta cost you so much. Find a girl that’s decent on the eyes, not too beautiful yet not too fucked up (again, something like that). Find a girl that respects you, accepts you for who you are and you can have fun with her.‘

That one piece of wisdom really stuck in my head till. I am so sure that I will pass that down to kids of my own. One thing you always put an emphasis is, ‘you cannot survive on love alone.’ The first time you told me that, I agreed straight away and I am so gonna practice in real life. Yeah? There are lots of your pieces of wisdom that are in my head. I just put some here and the rest would be passed down onto your grandkids yeah? And yeah, you told us your sons that the name Along must be passed down to our kids, we sure will do. I gonna make my brothers put down Along in their kid’s name. *haha*

So yeah… Happy Father’s Day from all of us pops. Forgive us your kids if we have done anything wrong towards you. Thanks for the love and care that you have give us all this while. If there’s anything you need, you know where to look for us. Especially Adeline and I which are so far away from home.
Take care pops and don’t forget the meds.

Peace!
PS- Missing the man of my life. Hope that you'll be there to see you're first grandkid.

High School dreams...

High school dreams. This is the time when all dreams are sweet and nothing seem can go wrong during this time. True, this is the time when our parents seemed to be controlling everything and we always thought that their actions are wrong all the way. Teenage angst FTW. With our world experience not reaching 20 years plus, we egoistically thought that our actions were right and our way are the best way. How wrong.

My momma always told me to keep my options open when it comes to girls. And I heroically told her that I am not that type of guy that thought girls as options. I am a one woman man kinda guy. Or so it seems. Well, now I know what my momma meant. There are a lot of girls out there. And each are beautiful. And, now I am starting to believe that there is a woman out there perfectly made for me. Now, that’s a surprise. Fate to me is kinda hard to believe, moreover to rely on. Fate is determined by an individual and that’s it. But then, I don’t know. Maybe there is a woman out there made perfectly just for me.

What’s that gotta do with the title above? For early lovebirds out there, I know that once you get in love during schooling time, the world is just an awesome place to live. You started to think that you can survive with your love and just live perfectly happy till one of you return to some lump of dusts. Everywhere you go, the phone won’t budge from your palm and every tone the phone made will quickly silenced by you. Laughs there. You smiled when you read his/her texts and whatever there is. The clothes would be the sharpest out there and your physique will be taken very seriously for your love’s eye candy. What the hell, the eau da parfum you never fond of before will suddenly be your favourite item out there. All you want to do is get married and have sex. Kononnya that is love. You tell everyone bout your boo and even dedicate songs every single day if not hours. Damn. Nobody gets more perfect than your boo and no one touches him or STARE at your boo but you. Your boo is your life and your life’s mate. That’s high school love.

Real life? Very much contrary than what’s above. Real married life is not as happy as you might seem. Bills gotta pay, foods on the table, work and shit. Quoting my pops, ‘You cannot survive on love alone.’ Very true there pops. I know. I worked before. Experiencing money shortage is not what you want to experience. Especially when you drive to work. I did. Your eyes won’t leave the gauge fearing that the fuel would fuck you up. And no money means no date. No date equals what? You get the idea. Again, quoting me pops,

‘find a girl not on her looks, but deep inside. Don’t find girls that loves to shop, love to get over dressed up or too sociable (something like that) or else she’s gotta cost you so much. Find a girl that’s decent on the eyes, not too beautiful yet not too fucked up (again, something like that). Find a girl that respects you, accepts you for who you are and you can have fun with her. ‘

There’s more and I can’t remember ‘em all. He gave me this piece of advice in 2006 or late 2005. I’m not quite sure. That’s why I love that old man. He got tons of advice for his kids and I am damn sure I did not heed most of it. Most but not all. That’s wisdom for ya.

Shit right. Now that I am not in a steady relationship anymore, I felt different. I got to know this one girl and kinda digging her. I knew her for 2 years plus already. She’s just a friend during those years while I am with the no more love. Gotta keep ya options open boy.

Peace!

PS- don’t go too fast or else. There’s nothing there to have fun with.

Life and mistakes...

My first June entry. What should I say now? Owh yeah. The love is now not the love. Broken up with her. Personal stuffs so the story won’t be told here. Keep up with the guessing game yeah? So… let me see, life is beating me up now. Kinda. I suppose so. Whatever. The amount of beating I can get vary by time so, if I looked kinda cranky, forgive me so ‘cause life is having a fun time with me. I’m only having a good time when life doen’t give a damn about me for one bit. That’s when I get happy. Seriously I don’t why. Like in my previous posts, I am a very weird person. I don’t give a damn about anything. Yeah right.

Mistakes. Every homosapiens sapiens living and breathing in this little blue planet will and must do mistakes. Damn, even robots made mistakes once in a while? Jesus? Go ask him. Even the big G made mistakes, I guess. If not, why the poverty and shits? I’m just saying. I do made mistakes. And every one of my mistakes have their story behind them. Well, I made a terible one and I am so sure that I am so gonna regret it in the future. Karma is a bitch baby. Despite all, I believe in karma. Karma is a thing that I Justin Timberlake sang as What Goes Around, Comes Around. Ten times harder. Dammit. What shall I do? Pray? One thing’s for sure, prayer doesn’t help them Gaza folks a lot. Rocks does. The thing is, I rarely prayed formally. Like the way Catholics are supposed to be. We memorized prayers and said it out loud during Sunday Services. I did that. I only prayed my way during that special time in mass and I won’t say it here fearing the backlash later. Naahh. We Christians are very forgiving aren’t we? *wink wink* Well, that’s what Lil JC taught right?

There’s something in common human beings are made of. Most of us earthen or dusts will only turn to the big G when shit happens. Don’t bullshit me. To say that you fan dusts prayed when something joyous happened is pure shit. The most of you, including moi (which is RARELY) would utter out is thank God. Hell, we wouldn’t wanna see mass prayers suddenly in the middle of a birthday party, would we? Them atheists, they are the coolest. When shit happens, the only thing they do is, look up and shouted ‘WHY??’ and walked away like every normal day. I don’t know, but that’s what a normal human being would do. Turn to the Ultimate Force when shit happens and then forget ‘bout ‘em when the prayers are granted or whatever good happens. Hey, Pope Benedict did that I suppose. Things like the above are what we earthen dolls are made of. Smile? Nahh, leave that to the Thais. What else are what we clays are made of supposedly? Religion? Nahh… there are four major world religions for now. Judaism and Zoroaster? (hope I got that one right) The two are exclusive for members only. Yeah. That makes religion out. What else? I don’t know. But I sure damn know that things said above occurred to most animated lump of clay over the world. Most, ‘cause the dead can’t decide. What?
So yeah. I rant badly.

Peace!

Ps-Shout outs to Amoi!