As I am sitting in this dark room, my rented room in this rented house, I am spending time to write this entry for my pops. Yeah, my pops. The greatest man in my life. Like seriously, the greatest man in my life.
How are you pops? I hope you’re okay there. In our house, with the two monkeys that still roams there. Miss the two dudes. haha.
I was attending Reading for Aesthetics class this week. It was some introduction about literature is and what not. Puan Ainon was her name if I am not mistaken. Whatever there, she was making us read a poem by Robert Hayden which titled Those Winter Sundays. Here goes;
Sundays too my father got up early
and put his clothes on in the blueblack cold,
then with cracked hands that ached
from labor in the weekday weather made
banked fires blaze. No one ever thanked him.
I’d wake and hear the cold splintering, breaking.
When the rooms were warm, he’d call,
and slowly I would rise and dress,
fearing the chronic angers of that house,
Speaking indifferently to him,
who had driven out the cold
and polished my good shoes as well.
What did I know, what did I know
of love’s austere and lonely offices?
(poetryfoundation.org)
This poem struck me hard. Real hard. I was reading this poem in the class for several times. I know it was all about a father’s love and that’s it. I am lost for words in trying to explain it further. A lengthy explanation by Puan Ainon finally reveals through what the poem really means. It was a father’s love towards his kids but he didn’t show it openly and the poet was reminiscing it when he had grown up and all. It was shown by the actions that the father was doing for his kids. And that was the moment that really made my heart went *dup dap dup dap*
My head went straight to pops at home. The poem brought me straight to the times when momma went for her studies in 2003. I think? I don’t quite remember. Pops was taking care of us until 2006. That was the year when momma graduated.
Pops, I don’t know what to say to you, honestly. I am lost for words. I always do. I know that during those times when momma was not by your side you were so very much challenged in your role a parent. To top it off, Arig’s presence with his congekness really made you tested. It was 2003 and I was only 11. What do I know? All I know was what the breakfast gonna be in the morning. And yet, the breakfast will always be on the table despite Arig’s tantrum the night before. Us your kids would just divulge the breakfast without even thinking what you have been through the whole night. And there you would send us to school after sending Arig to mayang’s.
After all is done, the dinner would be a guaranteed to be served on the table even though you were freakin’ tired after a day’s work. And then you will always have to take care of little Arig. We your kids would just watch television and do nothing to ease you up. All we know, why were you always sleeping much early than all of us would. That is after you managed to settle Arig down. Which is HARD WORK. We knew what we’re supposed to do. Slow the television down and went to bad not long after that. Which I don’t remember doing often. This goes on and on until 2006 though it gradually got easier by the year.
One thing I always wanted to hear is your words of wisdom, pops. Seriously. I love hearing them. One that I still remembered till now is this;
‘find a girl not on her looks, but deep inside. Don’t find girls that loves to shop, love to get over dressed up or too sociable (something like that) or else she’s gotta cost you so much. Find a girl that’s decent on the eyes, not too beautiful yet not too fucked up (again, something like that). Find a girl that respects you, accepts you for who you are and you can have fun with her.‘
That one piece of wisdom really stuck in my head till. I am so sure that I will pass that down to kids of my own. One thing you always put an emphasis is, ‘you cannot survive on love alone.’ The first time you told me that, I agreed straight away and I am so gonna practice in real life. Yeah? There are lots of your pieces of wisdom that are in my head. I just put some here and the rest would be passed down onto your grandkids yeah? And yeah, you told us your sons that the name Along must be passed down to our kids, we sure will do. I gonna make my brothers put down Along in their kid’s name. *haha*
So yeah… Happy Father’s Day from all of us pops. Forgive us your kids if we have done anything wrong towards you. Thanks for the love and care that you have give us all this while. If there’s anything you need, you know where to look for us. Especially Adeline and I which are so far away from home.
Take care pops and don’t forget the meds.
Peace!
PS- Missing the man of my life. Hope that you'll be there to see you're first grandkid.
