To you...

Come and steal my heart,
In your heart, please do hide me away,
I’m all alone, I’m afraid, I may be lost.
I’m afraid; I may drift away from you,
So come closer and lock me in an embrace.

Let your heart beat; spread out your tresses,
Let your veil unfurl.
Your locks, you will spread,
May it not cause darkness,

Let there be a downpour; I have things to say to you,
That I am crazy for you; I’d die for you,
That’s what everybody says; but I will really do it.

With a pinch of vermillion; I am going to make you my bride,
Who knows what the future holds; let’s all do it now,
Whether someone approves or not; our heart is what matters most

Come steal me from myself,
And hide me somewhere in your heart,
May I not lose my way,
May I not drift away from you,
Come closer and embrace me.

p/s-I love you.

UPSI and whatever…

Seems that UPSI is getting way outta hand. I just checked the student’s portal and I found out the latest news and quite interesting too.



This shit is like wow right? I immediately downloaded the PDF version of the AUKU shit. And I my eyes prowl for this Kaedah 48 shit. And what did I found?

Hukuman tatatertib
48. Seseorang pelajar yang melakukan kesalahan tatatertib di bawah Kaedah-Kaedah ini didapati bersalah atas kesalahan itu boleh dikenakan mana-mana satu atau mana-mana gabungan dua atau lebih hukuman yang sesuai berikut:-
a) amaran
b) denda tidak melebihi dua ratus ringgit
c) dilarang daripada mana-mana bahagian atau nahagian tertentu Universiti bagi tempoh yang ditetapkan;
d) digantung daripada menjadi seorang pelajar Universiti bagi tempoh yang ditetapkan;
e)dipecat daripada Universiti.
(Akta Universiti dan Kolej Universiti 1971, Tatatertib Pelajar-Pelajar)

I was like, wow. I saw and read nothing on clothing. What is this UPSI? Some kind of oppressive movement? Since when is wearing clothes to one’s liking be an offence here? This shit is ridiculous. I don’t know that wearing clothes not to the guard’s or whoever there is preferences are an offence. Fuck it.

OKUS...

I dedicate this post to my man @JoseSuen. Yeah. Like what I said in my previous posts, I am not that good at dedications but I think this post is more like sharing of what I have gone through before.

So @JoseSuen, you broke your leg. And I can feel the pain the first few minutes after the adrenaline rush had gone. It’s not that I can feel, it is more like I remembered how painful the pain was like after the first few minutes past. So you got into hospital and got hospitalized for a broken leg. Moreover, your bones had broken into two. I had that before. But that was at my left arm and I was like 10 years old. And I did not get hospitalized despite that I have two broken bones in my left arm. Whatever, I feel you man. This is like your first time you got your body parts broken and shit. I feel you though.

I still remembered the first time I broke my arm. I was like helpless and I was making shit out of everything. Even the simplest of things were hard for me. Like changing the channel for instance, I was like hollering to my siblings so that they change channels and shit. And my right arm was alright and functioning. But the time for dependency did not last long. I was really tested when I went to school and met all my friends. With my arm sling hanging from my neck, there was a time that I wanted to quit school because of my arm. The pain was excruciating and a day at school was like a day trip to hell. People were staring and asking and shit. But I got through it. Breaking an arm was like the end of the world for some. Moreover if one were to break a leg. The lack of one functioning body part was unbearable.

But I determined @JoseSuen. I determined that I would not let my broken arm to be in the way of my life. I determined that my broken arm would make me stronger than before. And I determined that I would fasten the length of time this broken arm would heal. I play. I go out. I eat with my heart’s content. That’s what I did @JoseSuen. The very first thing that I’ve done was making an instant noodle by properly cooking on the stove and stop making one with the water heater. That was my first step to independence. I know you can cook your noodles on the stove but you’re not confident. I know that. That expression on your face said it all. You know what I would do? I’d get that white stool (kerusi putih) that’s always been used by you to eat, and before cooking the noodle, I would put that white stool near the stove where it would easy for me to sit and monitor the noodle. With that stool nearby, you can stand and sit while waiting for the noodle to be done. Once it’s done, you can use your other leg to stand and pour the noodle onto the bowl from the kuali or whatever there are. For your first few times, I would be gladly to help you out. After that I know you can stand on your own. And from there too, you can progress from noodles to whatever you
want.

And for your leg, you should do something to fasten the healing time. Taking milk is a good start. I think I took milk before this too. Then you should do some light exercises just to get that leg to work again. What I did before was holding spoons and chopsticks. For you, I think you should stand lightly one foot and that’s about it. Do for a few minutes and you’re done. I can only think of that as a light exercise for you. Yeah, I know it’s gonna be painful and shit. The first few times are always painful. That pain would then deter you from doing more. Don’t stop at all even though the pain is unbearable. Just bear it for a while. Think of it as a small
step for better times ahead. No pain no gain, no guts no glory right?

I am writing this to you because I share the pain as you did. Having a broken body part is not an easy thing to go through. But we have to go through it because we’re chosen to have this kind of injury. We are the lucky ones to have all this injury. Imagine what story we can share with our sons later? We already have the wisdom of having broken body parts and we can share that with our sons so that they would be more careful and shit. We are the lucky ones @JoseSuen. Believe me. We are real man for having this kind of injury. I broke my bones twice. So I am manlier than you. Haha.

People that have not broken anything can say whatever they want because they have not gone through what we have gone through. They can make fun of us, laugh at us, shit at us but we know better. They can say this and that but do they know what it really felt like? No. Since they can only talk and not actually really felt what we felt, it is better to just laugh with them and not get offended. We know how karma can be a
bitch right?

I might be younger than you but take this piece of advice from me as a brother to you. I have gone through this pain twice and I know what I am talking about. So yeah. That’s it.

First Borns...

First Born…
I am a first born and I am feeling the burden now. It’s not a burden I would say, but the feeling of responsibility is already catching up on me. I can now say that experience is a very good teacher in life. I can safely say that Mr. Experience is teaching me hard now. Very hard. I’ve done a lot of thinking these past few days. Reality is a kind of bitch I would say. But everybody can say that reality and real life is a bitch. Now I know why. I don’t know. Is it that I think too much or what?

It seemed that I fucked up already. I should have not made that decision a long time ago. Things are starting to sort themselves out slowly and I am slowly realizing it. Wow. I don’t know, like what people said, the sweeter things in life come first than the bitter things. I don’t even know what the hell I am saying right now.
Like what my teacher told us before, from the way he told us back in 2006, it seemed that it was a parable of some kind. Here goes;

‘Life is like a see-saw. Each end of the see-saw is divided into two elements, sweeter things in life and bitter things in life. People can choose which side to sit but have to face the consequence later. The option is up to us on where to sit. For people that chose to go for the bitter side first, they will experience the bitter experience first then they will receive the sweeter things in life. To those who went to go to the sweeter side first, they will experience all the good things in life first but then, the bitter part will catch up with them sooner or later. To them that are wise, they will go with the bitter part first and the vice versa to them that chose the vice versa.’

Thinking back, I do realize that what he told us is so true in a lot of ways. True that experience can make men wiser and all and wisdom can only be gained only through experience, but the transition from experience to wisdom is not an easy task to go through. Going through the experience is kind of painful and all, but the things gained from the experience can help a lot.

Right now, I am so guilty towards my parents. They have been working their asses off to feed us their children. Working to give us what we need and all. This year is quite tough for them. I know. With my sister going off for her studies, and then the trip to Singapore and me, with my rented house shit, they are going through a lot now. And I am at guilt at the most immense level now. I don’t know, maybe this is what people said, the coming of age. And I am coming to the age of the adults now. And I am not quite that ready to go through all that.

I don’t know what I should do to ease their burdens. You see, being the first born bears a lot of responsibilities. It’s not easy being the first born of the family. People looked up to you, expecting that we can be the family’s pride and all that. But now I see that I am not that kind of first born. My sister is kind of the family’s pride now. Don’t get me wrong, I am not envious towards my sister at all. In fact, I am very proud of her doing better than me. It’s just that, when people suddenly took notice that the one younger than me is doing a lot better than me, the expectations and all the whatnot that I’ve gone through all this while is all gone now. And I am not used to that even though that’s what I wanted. Things don’t feel right. Maybe I got what I wished for. Well, maybe not all first born are meant to do great. And I am one of them. Maybe. We never know. I don’t know how to make it up with my parents. They have this son that is really not what they expected. I won’t go to the length to say that I am a failure but I can consider that.

At the back of my head, I kept thinking that I am not making the lives of my parents any easier. Sometimes, I think that, what I am doing now is just making it worse for them. I am not a parent yet but I kind of getting the glimpse of what is in their head. And thinking back, I am kind of the black sheep of the family. I get this bad temper, I do things my way all the time and all. Go ask and you’ll know. I don’t know what got into me this evening. At one point, I feel ashamed to face my own family. I have done a lot of fucked up shit that I am not proud of. Now that I have this rented house thing going on, plus the BMX thing and shit, I know that I have fucked up. Real big. I am not a great role model for my brothers back home. I know. I just know.

I don’t know what to do. I can on and on bashing myself but they won’t make things better. I am writing this to let myself feel relieved in some way. Writing releases me from reality in a way or another. To be honest, after lots of thinking, I get that I depressed. Not depressed in that bad way or another, I just don’t know how to put it into words.

I screwed up.

That’s it. Being the first born is not easy.

Things... again I guess?

Dear Adi,

Much reading about the history of my religion made me think that, what actually am I doing all this while? Should I be a deist? Someone who just believes in the #supremeforce rather than the religion as a whole. I think I'll do that for the rest of my life.

Drop the holier than thou attitude too. Evryone got their own way of believing and I am no exception. Sometimes I do get pissed off by people that often asks me to go to church but they themselves are some ass. I am an ass too but I don't involve other people.

Make time to read the world history, the current news, the whatever that interests you. Just don't read stupid stuffs like the Freemason or Illuminato thingy. That is just stupid. Them Freemasons are against the Catholics by the ways but things are cool with them Catholics. I don't take much care because this things are just plain waste of time. Ignorant?Yes. Read more? Yes.

For atheists alike. I am not one 'cause I am in Malaysia. Enough as a deist. Agnostic? I am not sure I can go that way. I'll just go with being a deist. Anyways, atheists out there, stick to your believe of not believing that gods ain't exist. What's up with the Flying Spaghetti Monster? Get your views straight people.

Get a hobby. I recently got a new one. BMX. Sure made me fill my time and not think things that are wasteful. Any hobby is fine as long as you're digging them and anything.

And, I believe that religion or whatever is personal. There's no need to show the whole world that you're religious or whatever. No one's interested. I know I don't.

And... For you out there that is still confused about what are yur beliefs are, keep searching. Who knows of what you might ended up with. yeah.

I don't know if this note here is relevant to what was Redha wrote before, but anyways, it felt good.